"You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger." – Buddha
One experiences various emotions throughout the day, and it is normal to do so. The emotions range from happiness to sadness, bright and fresh to tired, calm and composed to angry. Since our childhood, we are taught to understand, feel and express emotions in a constructive way. But this does not always happen.
We all experience anger, and know what it feels like. Anger is a perfectly normal emotion in situations we feel are unjust, upsetting, or unfair. It is an emotion that varies in intensity which often depends on the situation or context. You can be angry because you are stuck in a traffic jam, or some distress at your workplace makes you angry.
When you get angry, there are physiological and biological changes. One thing crucial here is to not keep your anger bottled up. The most basic way to deal with anger is expression, suppression, and calming. Anger has both constructive and destructive expressions.
Constructive expression
Constructive expression of anger includes pausing, identifying, communication, consideration.
Pause- This type of expression is to stop when angry. Research has found that we don’t always make the best decisions when happy or sad/angry. It is important to be in a neutral mood. Impulsive decisions aren’t always the best ones.
Identify- Find out the emotions behind your anger. Anger is a reaction to some situation/person/event. You could be irritated, worried, hurt which manifests itself in anger.
Communication- When calm, think from the perspective of others in the situation. Talk to them, and solve it. Without communication, there is always some kind of grudge or resentment.
Consideration- Anger often gets a hold of us, and we say some hurtful things which we don’t even mean. It is necessary to be considerate of others' feelings, and not hurt them as well.
Destructive expression
Destructive expression is an unhealthy way of anger expression. It will do no good to the person expressing, and to whom the anger is being expressed. There are several types and ways in which they are expressed.
Passive anger- Passive anger is a covert expression. This type has a subtle expression of anger. Passive anger is something that hurts a lot as it includes psychological manipulation and dispassion. Dispassion is giving a cold shoulder, overreaction. Psychological manipulation includes emotional blackmail, provoking someone, using a third party. Passive anger concisely includes not directly communicating with the individual but just using techniques like this.
Aggressive Anger- Right opposite of that is aggressive anger, which includes overt expression. The most commonly known would be bullying, violence, threats, selfishness. Bullying includes ragging, insulting, and demeaning others. Unjust blaming, being destructive is also aggressive behavior.
An individual may or may not realize these are destructive ways of expressing anger. One must look out for the signs and symptoms if they think their anger is getting out of hand, and they want to manage their anger.
Signs and Symptoms
Signs of needing professional help to manage anger would be-
Frequently having outbursts
Getting involved in fights
Being in trouble with the law
Physically assaulting someone
Breaking objects in anger
Getting in intense arguments with close friends, family
All this when it happens frequently is an indicator you need to manage your anger. Early recognition of these signs helps better manage anger.
Effects
The effects anger can cause are-
A sudden increase in heart rate and rapid heartbeat
Increase in the breathing rate
Tension in the body which you think cannot leave the body
Restlessness
Fist shaking, clenching of the fists
Tightness in the jaw
Sweating and trembling
Management
Some of the techniques an individual can apply to self would be-
Identify triggers
It is important to note what is triggering our anger. If a traffic jam is causing our anger, leave earlier so you don’t get stressed out by the jam. Structuring the day, and being ready for the curveballs is also a way to control anger.
Explore your feelings
It cannot always be possible to avoid certain situations or feelings. Anger, most of the time, covers up our actual feelings. Embarrassment, rejection, hurt take the form of anger. Confronting and managing these feelings is important.
Manage your thoughts
Anger gives a rush of energy. This can direct your thoughts in the negative direction, and make you pessimistic. If there’s a traffic jam, remember traffic jams are a regular thing, and there are other people along with you stuck in the same traffic jam.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness helps in managing thoughts. Meditation which helps in calming you by redirecting your source of frustrations is a good technique of mindfulness. Another way of mindfulness is deep, slow breaths. Taking deep breaths, slowly inhaling and exhaling, getting our heart rate to a normal, breathing normal, and reducing uneasiness. Mindfulness makes us aware of unintentional angry, pessimistic thoughts. Mindful breathing or awareness calms us down, and we can respond to situations appropriately. Creating a journal, taking breaks at regular intervals, observing your breathing are ways to practice mindfulness.
Exercise
Whenever feeling extreme anger, going on a run or a walk is a good way to calm yourself, think of the actual problem, and then communicate it with others.
Channelize your energy
Finding a hobby you like and channeling your frustration into the hobby is a good technique.
Takeaway Message
Ultimately, these techniques aim at converting destructive anger to constructive anger. This not only reduces the effects but also prevents us from hurting others. In therapy as well the aim is to redirect energy and resources into problem-solving. It is important to understand that the aim is not to eliminate anger but to deal with it. It can be uncomfortable but only then will you be living a content life. Hope this article helped you in some way and you can use the techniques to help yourself as well!
“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrows.”
References
Hedlund, B. L., & Lindquist, C. U. (1984). The development of an inventory for distinguishing among passive, aggressive, and assertive behavior. Behavioral Assessment, 6(4), 379–390. https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1985-19065-001
Felman, A. (2018, December 19). How can I control my anger? MedicalNewsToday. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/162035#therapy
Origins Behavioral HealthCare. (2019, December 26). 5 Constructive Ways to Express Anger. https://www.originsrecovery.com/5-constructive-ways-to-express-anger/
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