“Empathy is walking a mile in somebody else’s moccasins. Sympathy is being sorry that their feet hurt.”- Rebecca O’Donnell
Empathy and Sympathy are terms which are often used in place of each other whenever we are having a conversation. In reality, both these terms have major differences which can lead to very different results. A social psychologist by the name of Brené Brown states that “Empathy drives connection, and sympathy drives disconnection.
What is the difference?
Empathy refers to when you can experience other’s feelings. It requires an element of emotion, so that you can truly really feel what the other person is experiencing. On the other hand, sympathy is understanding what somebody else is going through. Sympathy, by nature is cognitive and requires the person to keep a distance, whereas empathy is a lot more personal. Sympathy also involves feeling sad and sorry for the affected person.
For example, if a person was struggling with family problems, if you are a sympathetic person, you would bring up yourself, and you will tell them about your personal experiences with having family problems, but if you are an empathetic person, you would accept that they have similar issues to yours, but you would not make it about yourself, so as to provide them a source of comfort. In the first case, the affected person is not able to get support while the second situation is very supportive.
Difference in responses
Empathy and Sympathy are both important traits in moderation. Its important sometimes for us to know if they have suffered the same fate as us, but too much of sympathy can end up becoming patronizing, and it should be avoided. At times, when you express sympathy, you are indirectly saying that there is a distance between you and the affected person, and that you are lucky because you’ve solved the problem, but they aren’t because they are still struggling.
People feel isolated when they hear statements like “I’m sorry you are feeling like that” because it sounds like you are expressing pity instead of being supportive. If you were to say the same statement empathetically, you could say “I’m sorry you are struggling, can I help you in any way?”. If you say that, the opposite person won't feel a way of loneliness since they're going to realize that they need companionship to assist them through their struggles.
Empathy happens in the present. One major way of being empathetic is by trying to immerse yourself in the world, and point of view of other people without ‘becoming’ them. You retain your own personal identity, sense of self, and you realize that you are not directly connected to the person, but you can still feel what they are going through. In this way you can be helpful without sticking yourself into their problems. Another thing is that giving advice is not a good way to be empathetic as you want to help the person, and not only make yourself feel better.
Signs of Empathy
If you show these signs, that would indicate that you are empathetic by nature:
1) You are a good listener.
2) You can pick up how people are feeling.
3) You think how a person feels before talking to them.
4) Others confide in you about their problems.
5) Others come to you for advice.
6) You help others when they need help.
7) You feel overwhelmed at tragic news.
8) You can detect when people are lying.
9) You care deeply about others.
10) You find it difficult to set boundaries.
Types of Empathy
There are different types of empathy which can be experienced by a person.
Affective empathy
Which means that you have the ability to understand other people’s emotions and know how to give an appropriate response. This form of emotional understanding leads to someone experiencing concern for others, or it can also lead to you feeling personally distressed on other’s behalf.
Somatic empathy
Which means that you will have a physical reaction to someone else’s experiences. At times, we can physically feel what others are feeling. For eg, if you see someone else being embarrassed, you will also start having butterflies in your stomach and blushing.
Cognitive empathy
Which means that you are able to understand other people’s mental state, and what their thought process is when they are about to respond to a situation. In this form of empathy, you can successfully think about what others are thinking.
Why is empathy ideal compared to sympathy?
Though sympathy and empathy are closely related, there is one major difference in which sympathy is passive in nature, and on the other hand empathy is active in nature. This makes empathy more ideal as:
1) If you are empathetic, you will be more likely to have good social circles where you will understand how they are feeling.
2) By empathizing with others, you are also learning how to regulate your own emotions. This would help you in the future to manage your own stress.
3) Being empathetic encourages being helpful. If you are likely to help others, they will help you in return as well when they feel empathetic towards you.
How to be more empathetic?
There are multiple ways to be more empathetic, some of these are:
Make many friends
Go up to strangers and ask them how they are doing, when you are having a conversation put your phone away so as to give them your full attention.
Walk in other people’s shoes
Attend places of worship other than your own, and if it is possible, visit places where you have not been to. If someone’s behavior is affecting you, try to visualize their daily life and acknowledge why they may feel stressed.
Join groups
Work on projects with different people so you can understand everyone’s similarities and differences. Try joining various workshops or clubs. You will gain a lot more respect for people this way.
Listen to others
Be a good listener in general, and do not interrupt people when they are talking.
Conclusion
Empathizing and sympathizing are both important, but it is always better to be empathetic of a person’s situation instead of giving them sympathy because then it would let the person know that they are being supported. Empathy is the main reason as to why we human beings want to rid people of their sufferings in life.
References
psychmc.com
6seconds.org
medicinenet.com
psychologytoday.com
verywellmind.com
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