“Never give up! Failure and Rejection are only the first steps to succeeding.” ― Jim Valvano
At one point in our life, we all have experienced some form of failure or rejection, the feeling of dread and disappointment is all too familiar to many people. In my opinion, both failure and rejection do not need to be taken in a negative way, and can be signs that you need to get better in a certain area. It is fair to assume that failure and rejection may not always lead to success but this does not mean you should give up. This does not imply one should try to fail constantly but rather means that you should take such results in stride, and move forward keeping that in mind. Failure and rejection often go hand in hand.
What is Failure?
There are multiple definitions of failure, but most of them agree that the common indicator of failure is if one is unsuccessful at doing a certain task. This can be seen in examples when we fail at a certain subject/s in school, or when we fail to turn in something which was asked of us which results in negative consequences, we can also feel a sense of failure when we are unable to meet somebody’s or our own expectations. Failure can hurt a lot of people because they see it as a personal low point.
What is Rejection?
Rejection is usually defined as pushing something or someone away. A person can be rejected from their dream university, a job they always sought or they could be rejected by people in being part of a team, and various such examples. Rejection is something which deeply affects us all because it gives off the feeling that you are unwanted or you do not belong in that space. This correlates into rejection feeling like a personal failure. This can lead to a lot of negative thoughts.
Is this good?
Failure seems to hurt a lot of people when they first experience it, but it is an important point for everyone to experience, this helps people grow their mental strength and resilience. Rejection, in some cases, helps people recognise that there are various areas in life that they can still improve. Both these things are said to be good learning curves of maturing in all people no matter their age. According to an article posted by the Harvard Business Review (HBR), author Amy C. Edmonson believes that “We are programmed at an early age to think that failure is bad. That belief prevents organizations from effectively learning from their missteps”.
Common Feelings
There are certain feelings most people will commonly experience when they face failure and/or rejection, these are:
Hopelessness
Helplessness
Anxiety
Depression
No supportive foundation i.e., relationship.
Low Self-Esteem
Comparing oneself with others
Negative self-image
Lack of positive self-concept
Unrealistic expectations
How to Cope?
Accept your feelings
Failure is almost always accompanied by feelings of embarrassment, anxiety, shame, sadness and many more. These feelings make people feel uneasy but it is important to understand these emotions and recognise them to improve yourself.
Confront the topic
It is easy to fall into a pattern of avoidance after experiencing failure, it is actually much better for you if you are able to evaluate what went wrong, and then take the necessary steps to make yourself get better. Avoiding the problem will make the issue get bigger, and more difficult to solve.
Coping Skills
Try to develop healthy coping skills which let you focus on your own well-being. It is better to develop hobbies, doing exercise, etc. as compared to getting into addictions like drinking, smoking, etc. Try making a checklist of your routine everyday so that you are able to follow it if you find yourself straying.
Realize irrational beliefs
When it comes to failure and rejection a lot of people tend to have irrational beliefs about the topic as they feel they must be bad as these things always tend to have negative connotations. Such type of beliefs can hold you back from progress so be sure to remind yourself that failure does not make you worthless.
Realistic thinking
You will have to evaluate your own self, and ask yourself if it was because of internal factors or external factors. This will make you realise that you can bounce back from your slump if you have positive affirmations and a genuine interest in improving. This also has to be followed by effort.
Take responsibility
This step is important as one should accept the correct amount of responsibility for their actions. If you blame yourself for everything that would be unhealthy, on the other hand putting the blame on other people is also not an ideal solution. Realize your own faults appropriately, and then work on them accordingly.
Face your fears
In order to better yourself, it is always good if you face what is scaring you. Let’s say if you did poorly in an interview, it will be good if you practice public speaking, and other speaking related activities so that interviews no longer hold you back. This step is difficult to do but very ideal.
Plan ahead
Now that you know what went wrong, you have to learn from your mistakes, and then keep asking yourself what can you do now with the skills that you have learnt. Do not get stuck in the past because that will amplify your negative thinking even further.
Takeaway Message
Failure and rejection can both be very numbing, unpleasant, and demotivating phases of our life. In order to stop these failures of taking over our whole lives we should try our best to improve from what is holding us back. This is the only way we can move ahead. No human being is ever perfect, and almost all of us have to face forms of failure and rejection our lifetimes. Many scientists fail repeatedly before getting their breakthrough. Our progress as people is built on overcoming our failure and rejections.
References
theguardian.com
verywellmind.com
psychologs.com
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