“Hearing is listening to what is said. Listening is hearing what isn’t said.” -Simon Siek
When a person is talking to someone else it is not uncommon for their thoughts to wander off. It might be because they are tired, are thinking of something else, or they just argued with somebody, there can be many reasons as to why they are not paying attention to the person in front of them. In this case, the person is hearing everything, but is not listening to the other person.
The Difference
The terms “hearing” and “listening” are used interchangeably by most people, but a Psychologist from Columbia University Medical Center, Kelly Workman (PsyD) says that there are key differences between the two. According to her, hearing is the intake of sound that is passive while listening involves intentionally working to comprehend the sounds that you hear.
Hearing
No effort required
Physiological perception of sound
Involuntary
Passive
Listening
Effort required
Intentional interpretation of sound
Voluntary
Active
Meaning of hearing without listening
People often listen just to respond to something, this shows that they are relying more on their ability to hear than listen.
Reasons given by Workman:
People's inability to learn listening skills.
They may be distracted, busy, uninterested, or daydreaming.
They may also have a social anxiety disorder, which can make it harder to listen because they are more focused on what to say next, or are thinking about what others are thinking.
They may be uninterested, in which case they should make it clear so that the other person does not get offended.
Importance of hearing
Hearing is a very important sense that helps us in the world.
It benefits mental health: The loss of hearing can have a significant effect on people and in drastic cases, lead to anger, changes in self-worth, and even social withdrawal.
Helpful in daily life: Hearing is important for us to do our basic everyday tasks, for example when the doorbell is rung.
In case hearing impaired: For people with hearing loss, communication is still possible and they can listen to people by using sign language, paying attention to body language, or having an interpreter assist them.
Importance of listening
Listening is very important as human beings are social creatures and need connection, bonding, and belonging.
Helps people in their emotional skills: People become more curious, increase empathy, compassion, and are encouraged to form connections.
Increase in knowledge: If a person listens to various opinions from different people, their knowledge will increase as compared to if they were just speaking or hearing.
Negative effect due to others not listening: If someone is not listening to the other or they feel that they are not being listened to, it could negatively affect their sense of belonging and connection.
How to become a better listener
Be Mindful: Mindfulness helps keep oneself present. One can practice mindfulness by noticing what a person is giving attention to at a given time. If paying attention to something else, one can try to regain focus and pay attention again.
Be Curious: If a person is curious and genuinely interested in the subject matter, then they are more likely to pay attention, and be interested in what the other person is saying.
Do not make assumptions or judgments: If a person is judgmental or passing comments, it would stop the other person from trying to communicate with you. This would also make you more curious as you would be interested in what they have to say instead of passing rude remarks.
Have the intention to improve: If a person has a fixed goal in their mind, it can help them in focusing on listening and understanding better.
Make a summary of whatever is heard: If a person repeats whatever is said by the other in their own words, it will indicate that the person is interested in engaging in a conversation with them, and in case there are misunderstandings, they can be quickly clarified.
Ask questions: If a person asks topical, open-ended questions, it shows that they have thought about what the other person is saying, and are genuinely listening to them.
Use nonverbal cues: A person can use nonverbal gestures like nodding, and making eye contact to communicate that they are listening.
Validate others’ opinions: One can validate the other person by acknowledging their point of view and giving them full attention.
Do not give unsolicited advice: One should not try to give advice or make suggestions to solve problems unless they have been explicitly asked. One would think they are being helpful by offering solutions, but this can often be unintentionally invalidating as they just want to be heard and understood.
Keep away distractions: This is a bit difficult to follow in our fast-paced environment but even putting your phone on silent, face-down can be a meaningful gesture.
Practice listening exercises: One could try to develop their listening skills by practicing various listening exercises. For example, try sharing stories with friends and see how much you could retain.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both hearing and listening are very important skills, and one usually complements the other. Hearing is important but it is also more important to listen because it helps with engaging with other people and strengthening relationships. If a person is not showing any signs of listening, it could create issues and tension within people and also make it difficult to solve problems which would ultimately negatively impact people’s mental health and well-being.
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