"Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”-Peter Krause
Introduction
Parenting is considered one of the toughest and most engaging challenges that require a lot of patience, care, and love. The newly born feel safe under their parents' umbrella, especially the mother. Nurturing, protecting, teaching, holding on and off; the to-do list is never-ending, but one cannot do it without a concrete experience. Parenting in India is highly influenced by the child's grandparents and society. Parents opt for the parenting styles that they look around or are asked to apply. These styles can sometimes be unfit for the children. One of the flaws that has been running through generations of parenting is the way a child is punished.
A child is punished to reduce or eliminate its unwanted behaviors. Most of the punishment is carried out by giving physical pain to the child.
Types of Punishment
According to B.F Skinner, there are two types of punishment.
Positive Punishment
Positive Punishment involves the adding of an unpleasant action to the unwanted behavior. For example, slapping a child for his incomplete homework. In this type, the child's behavior is suppressed.
Negative consequences of Positive Punishment
Temporary suppression
Severe and has an immediate effect only
The child learns to stay away from the punisher
Encourages other unethical practices like lying
Builds up fear, anxiety
Encourages seeking attention by the misbehavior
Case study:
Once a counselor interrogated a child about his ill behavior at school to which he replied after a few sessions with the counselor. The reason for him being mischievous was that during the PTA meeting, he gets attention from his mother when the teacher complains about him. He seeks it no matter if that attention is influenced by his unacceptable behaviors.
Negative Punishment
Negative Punishment involves taking something good or desirable away to reduce or eradicate unwanted behavior.
For example, reducing the screen time for misbehaving with elders. This type of punishment is lauded and has been found effective when used repeatedly.
Positive outcomes of Negative Punishment
A sense of understanding emerges
The child regulates his behavior by himself
Doesn't include any kind of abuse
Relatively permanent and effective than Positive Punishment
Positive Parenting
Based on positive psychology, this perspective believes in the approach of focusing on nurturing good behavior rather than punishing bad behavior. Philosopher and psychiatrist Alfred Adler said that children act in healthy ways when they feel encouraged and appreciated.
To make their children feel capable, justifiable, secure, and connected, positive parents should always-
Respect and try understanding of their children
Show affection constantly
Have clear expectations
Have a balance of being independent and holding on when needed
Ways to nurture the parent-child relationship
Be genuinely present - A toddler requires basic learning, a kid craves playtime and a teenager needs a helping hand to sort things in life
Lead by example - Do things that you would want them to follow. Do not give them mixed messages by saying something and doing the opposite.
Empathize with them- Let them know you feel what they feel, it helps them in generalizing their pain
Make use of positive language and reinforcers - You do not need to overdo this, but it's good to compliment their progress to keep them motivated.
Takeaway Message
"I came to parenting the way most of us do- knowing nothing and trying to learn everything."-Mayim Bialik
Parenting and children both require their own pace. It's gradual, overlapping. In the early days, mistakes are committed, rectified, but are not punishable. Make use of reinforcers to inculcate discipline and learning in them. Seek help from child counselors, verified YouTubers relating to the field of psychology. Tweak your parenting styles according to the requirements of your child. A healthy bond creates a healthy environment for the children to nurture and flourish, making the process enjoyable for the family!
References
Comentários