top of page
Search

Premarital Counseling

“A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom, and can never grow in a jealous heart.” — Leo F. Buscaglia


Marriage is an important life event. Whatever the type of marriage, it is two individuals coming together, and getting to know things about each other. This leads to a lot of new things being discovered, which can bring conflicts into the marriage.


What is Premarital Counseling

Premarital counselling is a specialized kind of couples therapy to help an individual, and their partner for marriage. This kind of counselling helps to have a healthy relationship, stay on the same page regarding major issues, helps identify areas of potential conflict, and how to navigate them successfully.


It can also help you better understand the expectations of your partner, lay down your expectations, and address significant differences in a safe and neutral environment. In essence, it helps you strengthen the foundation of marriage, and gives you a better chance at the lifelong commitment of a healthy, stable marriage.


Why Premarital Counseling?

In an arranged marriage, it’s almost always the family planning marriage, things surrounding the couple. The couple never gets a say in most situations. This can give rise to feelings of conflict, frustration, and so on. In a love marriage, the family comes in after and their opinions follow. This can give rise to a similar situation. Marriage is also not just two individuals, it is the family, finances, future, past altogether. This makes it one of the reasons for premarital counselling. If you are unsure about the counselling, here are some signs-

  1. You avoid talking about big topics- When you fear your partner’s opinion or feel like a hassle talking about big topics such as children, finances and so on, it is a sign for you to get premarital counseling.

  2. You have the constant need to be happy- Expectations can do that to you. People assume you are a happy couple if you are going to marry. But there are rifts, disagreements in every relationship. There is no need to carry the burden, and put up a show.

  3. Family takes over- Wedding arrangements are often taken over by family, and what they want. Your wishes are set aside, and you feel left out of your wedding. This can create a rift with your partner.

  4. Expenses- Weddings are expensive. You also want to make it the best day, and make the memories last. This can sideline communication, closeness and romance with your partner.


Issues to be discussed

Premarital counselling has numerous issues to be discussed such as -

  • Family relationships- How much do you want both your families to be involved? What boundaries do you want to establish? Be honest about each other’s relationship with the family.

  • Children- This is an important topic to be discussed beforehand. Do you both want children? How many children do you want? Will you be able to provide a healthy environment for the child/children?

  • Finances- Do you want to have joint finances or separate? If you have children, how will you use your finances, or do you have enough finances for that?

  • Time spent together- How would you want to spend time together? Would you be able to make time for each other despite busy schedules?

  • Duties- What would your roles and duties be around the house? How would you distribute the duties?

  • Beliefs, values, religion- How big of a part would religion play in your relationship? Would you be okay with the partner practicing a religion? What values, religion would you want your children to have if you, and your partner are of a different religion?

  • Past- If the partner has past trauma, it needs to be resolved


Benefits

  • One of the major benefits of premarital counselling is that it helps open up pathways to effective communication, and sets realistic goals.

  • Help understand what a marriage is like and to what extent would you have to change or adjust.

  • Mentally prepares you for living with someone.

  • Help assess compatibility with partner and family. This can be especially difficult if it is an inter-caste, inter-religion, or with someone from outside the country.

  • Get to know about partner’s view on important topics like gender equality, liberalization,

  • Help devise ways to solve conflicts

  • Reduce fears and doubts related to marriage

  • Eliminate dysfunctional behavior by recognizing unhealthy patterns

  • Decrease avoidance and isolation by helping express feelings


Takeaway Message

A 2012 study found that couples who engaged in premarital counseling reported higher levels of satisfaction in their relationship. Premarital counseling could either strengthen the bond, or expose your relationship to differences and expectations. Either way, it will benefit you as an individual and as a couple.


A healthy relationship should be one with open communication, trust, you having a sense of self, being able to grow, not being dependent on each other. Premarital counseling will also tell you how healthy of a relationship you are in.


Too often a relationship becomes about keeping score of who wins and who loses. If you care about that person enough, none of that matters, it just matters that the two of you can find a way to come to an agreement, and move forward.


References
34 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

Comments

bottom of page