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The silence is deafening: Stigma around sex in India

Updated: May 15, 2022

Rashi lives in two worlds. A world where everyone speaks of marriage but no one speaks of sex, contraceptives, and pregnancies. A world where marriage is celebrated with pomp but sex is hidden by a thick veil of stigma and taboo. We all live in a world like Rashi’s - a world of double standards. A world where 88% of males and 58% of females are deprived of sex education. A world where India has the third-highest number of HIV cases and believes that culture is the solution to its problems. But why this stigma, this taboo, this deafening silence? Is it a silence of morality or is it the silence of injustice and repression?


Why are we silent?

Ernest Becker, an anthropologist, has an explanation. Humanity’s greatest fear is death. Conquering this fear involves breaking away from our animalistic nature and immersing ourselves in culture or believing in the afterlife. Sex reminds us of our animalistic nature and threatens these safety mechanisms. Goldenberg, a psychologist, further researched this theory. She found that people completed word fragments with death-related words when they were reminded of the physicality of sexual acts. E.g. GRA… completed as GRAVE rather than GRAPE. Highlighting the emotion of love reduced this effect. This is because such framing makes sex spiritual, emotional, and more human. Thus, taboos around sex exist because its physicality reminds us of our mortality. However, our fears can be allayed if we remember that sex also involves love, which is transcendental.


When silence is not golden- the disadvantages of stigma

Misinformation

India has a history of banning sex education programs. Even the ones that gain acceptance in the curriculum are not comprehensive and leave out important issues like consent. Around 70% of individuals under 30 need sex education but have no resources for the same. Thus, people resort to magazines, films, and pornography which increase misinformation and myths.


HIV

India’s HIV epidemic is caused by silence. Most of India’s HIV/AIDS burden rests within the age group of 15-24. This is also the age group where only 19% of girls and 33% of boys are aware of AIDS. Comprehensive sex education which informs adolescents about the disease, sexual health, contraceptives, and screening is one of the most successful interventions against HIV.


Contraceptives

Contraceptive usage is very low in India. A report on condom usage demonstrated that lack of awareness, myths, and barriers to procuring contraceptives were the principal reasons for low use. Other societal barriers like shame and judgment from chemists and doctors also reduced the usage of contraceptives.


Unsafe pregnancies

Premarital sex is an even greater taboo. Moral policing is one of the primary reasons for avoiding doctors and using unscientific treatments. Cases have been reported where women with ectopic pregnancies refused to consult a doctor due to fear of judgment. Due to fear women visit doctors only in case of emergencies which costs them their reproductive and sexual health.


Sexual health

Stigma makes men and women less likely to engage in simple sexual health rituals. Young girls are less likely to use pads, tampons, or other healthy alternatives during menstruation which affects menstrual hygiene and health. People are also less likely to seek help for sexual disorders. This is especially true in the case of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It is harder to discuss these issues with peers or doctors and self-medication is often used.


Rape culture and child sexual abuse

Indian films and songs objectify women and ignore consent. This propagates misdirected masculinity and misogyny. Women’s organizations believe that comprehensive sex education dealing with issues of consent and sexist attitudes is important for combatting sexual violence and India’s rape epidemic. However, the stigma around sex prevents any conversations on these issues. Similarly, open conversations with children can help generate awareness about child sexual abuse. Recently, the sexual abuse of an 11-year old Pune girl was exposed during a good touch-bad touch class and helped the girl seek help.


Women’s repression

Women are more heavily policed in matters related to sex. They are slut shamed for having an active sex life. Eileen McDougall highlighted the problems of unmarried women in India. Often gynecologists refused them treatment or policed them for using contraceptives. Similarly, reproduction and sterilization are considered to be female problems. This has increased the prevalence of female tubal ligation instead of vasectomies which are simpler. Thus, women are deprived of agency and bodily autonomy.


Systemic erotophobia

Stigma leads to erotophobia -an irrational fear of sex. This affects how healthcare workers deal with patients’ problems and how sex educators impart information. E.g. Srinidhi Raghavan shared her experience with sex education. She was pressured to conduct classes without mentioning the word ‘sex’ which affected their effectiveness.


Confusion about sexuality

The silence prevents individuals from fully exploring their sexual identity. Sometimes people may confuse their sexuality with internalized stigma. Saachi Gupta narrates her experience of being asexual in India. The repression of sexuality made her question if she was truly asexual or if it was a symptom of internalized stigma.


How to break the silence?

Change your thinking

Any true change begins with our thoughts. Conflict and shame are bound to exist so long as there is a mismatch between our sexual values and desires. It is important to adopt sex-positive thinking wherein all acts of consensual sex are seen as healthy. A change in attitudes is essential to create a lasting change.

A little information can go a long way

Uniformed minds cannot change a system. To break the stigma educating ourselves with information regarding sexuality, sex practices, and sexual health is important. This can be done by accessing blogs, books, etc. Exercising critical thinking is essential to avoid succumbing to misinformation and porn.


Start a conversation

A sex-positive attitude must also be extended to conversations. Talking freely about sex and treating it as a casual topic can go a long way. It can create a dialogue and break the silence.


Discover community resources

Various programs and helplines are available in our community. National Population Stabilization Fund has started a helpline that provides confidential counseling on sexual health problems. Online distribution of contraceptives like condoms is also available. Anonymous discussions can be had on online portals like menstrupedia and she and you on various critical issues.


Talk to your child

Charity begins at home. Educating your children can make up for limited sex education programs. Here are some tips which can ease the process-


Share your experience: Sharing your experience with puberty, your mistakes and the challenges you faced helps allay curiosity and doubts. It forges an authentic bond where children feel understood.

Give your opinions: Puberty is a crucial time for building a framework of sexual values. Sharing your opinions on topics like LGBTQIA, teenage dating, contraceptives, healthy relationships, etc guides children’s views. However, it is essential to monitor the way you share these opinions. You are helping build a system, not rigidly controlling their worldview.

Facts matter: Facts on critical issues should be given in a manner sensitive to the child’s age.


Change the curriculum

Start a conversation with all important stakeholders (children, teachers, and parents) to introduce sex education in schools. If everyone is involved in the process, the opposition is reduced and adequate content coverage is ensured.

Conclusion

Sex is not the problem, but the stigma is. The silence is deafening and has corrupted every layer of our society with misogyny, rape, HIV, STIs, and repression. It’s time to chip away the silence and usher in the voice of change!


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